Sunday, November 29, 2009

Out in the wind and rain

The rain trickles down the back of my neck. I should have had my hood up. But hoods irritate me and make me look even scarier. Quite why that worries me when I am walking the dog in the Goyt, I don’t know. Apart from the occasional runner and dog walker hunched and hunkered down against the rain, there will be very few people out and about today.

I have my new walking boots on and they make a big difference. Lilly strains at the long lead. The rain and the wind don’t seem to bother her. She sniffs and scampers around the undergrowth scaring the grouse and putting them to flight, and then trying to chase after them when they fly across the valley.

I lose myself to my thoughts. I have a lot to think about. Its hard being a dad and its hard being the Weasel and only 17 but wanting so much to have the freedom to go out at weekends, to stay up all night and then chill on someone’s floor or with a boyfriend or whatever. Harder still when your friends, some of them at least, seem to have the freedom to do what they want and go where they want. We had agreed that she could stay out last night, we agreed where she would be staying and we agreed that she would be back by mid day, though this last bit went down like a lead balloon. I tried to explain that as far as I was concerned it was about knowing that she was safe and wanting to see her, to have some family time together. (At least she wasn’t sick on the spot).

I feel sad. I don’t know why. I did not sleep well last night. I lay in bed and thought about her and hoped that she was okay. It’s hard to let go, hard to get the balance right. But it’s more important that we talk and that she comes home and knows that she will be safe and welcome there. I know she needs to discover who she is and to make mistakes and of course to quote “to have fun”.

The wind and the rain intensify and I slip and slide down the hill side. Lilly has found some interesting smell and is hell bend on pulling me with her or over in her effort to get to whatever it is she has scented.

Time to head for home.

5 comments:

Malc said...

Parenting's great isn't it? My youngest is 17 tomorrow. I think all you can do at that age is make sure they know you're there for them, give them a long lead and pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.

The Birdwatcher said...

Malc - many happy returns to your youngest.

Claire said...

I have only one child an 18yo son, so things are a little differnt for me, but obviously communication is very important.Often they just don't "get" where we are coming from as parents, the big wide world beckons all too soon, but it doesn't hurt to put the brakes on a bit and take things slowly. They grow up quick enough as it is. Best of luck

Foilwoman said...

Oh, my 10 year old is begging for her own key, a cell phone, and is talking about having a car when she's sixteen (she'll ride the bus, but there you are). I want her to be independent and free-spirited, but jeez, she's already planning her escape at age 10.

The Birdwatcher said...

Claire - boundaries are just areas for conflict, hopefully settled by negotiation not war.

Foilwoman - The Weseal turned 17 and sensible girl decided that she did not want to take driving lessons yet!
She is planning to escape though.