Moonshine

This is Moonshine, the worlds most annoying hamster. At the moment he is annoying me. He and I are sharing what I rather grandly call the study. He is with me because Mrs BW has decided that the small ones need underlay under their carpets because it gets cold in the winter. I think she has gone soft. A bit of cold never did anyone any harm. I can remember when I was a lad waking up and scrapping the frost off the inside of the bedroom window and breaking the ice on the surface of the glass of water by the side of my bed. But this is now and that was then, and if Mrs BW says they need underlay whom am I to argue. (Its pointless anyway!) It means that all the furniture and stuff has had to be taken out of their rooms and loaded into the spare room, and Moonshine has been relocated (temporarily) to the "study". At least its a chance to get their rooms cleaned. We thought about getting our friendly local archaeologist in to sift through the debris from the smallest BW's floor.

Anyway round and round Moonshine goes on his wheel. He stops occasionally to peer at me through the bars just to see how much he is irritating me.

On a more positive note ,I noticed as I was washing up the breakfast things, a wren, a robin and a couple of blue tits. The Sparrows seem to have gone though. Odd!

Memories

Moonshine, the hamster with the enormous testicles went missing briefly this morning. After a few minutes frantic searching amongst the rubbish and debris that litters the smallest birdwatchers bedroom floor, Moonshine was found hiding in the darkest recesses of the room, having helped himself to a decent portion of carpet. Presumably his diet isn't varied enough. Much relief and smiling all round.

It reminded me of the time I got to look after the class pet, which happened to be a hamster. We brought it home for the weekend and I seem to remember it did little but sleep. But on the Sunday afternoon it escaped. Not the most popular boy in the class my flimsy ratings would have plunged to sub zero if I had gone to school on the Monday with an empty cage. I was not looking forward to going to school and hours of frantic searching revealed nothing but numerous hamster sized holes for it to have disappeared down.

Late on Sunday evening my mum and dad were sitting down watching television when my mum suddenly leaped up and screamed. " A rat. There's a rat in the room. I 've just seen it run across the floor." Dad leaps up and grabing a handy poker was about to beat the "rat" to a pulp when he realised that the rat was in fact the hamster. The hamster was captured and restored to its cage and there was a very happy little boy who took it back to school the next day. Mind you rather an empty cage than a battered body.

Paranoia

Mrs BW has been away with the fledglings for a few days so I have been left to fend for myself. All alone apart from the cats and Moonshine the hamster with the enormous testicles. The house is quiet much too quiet. In fact the only sounds are the occasional thwack of the cat flap as one or other of them goes out or comes in, and Moonshine on his wheel, which I can hear from several rooms away.

One of the problems with being on my own is leaving the house. Or rather trying to leave the house. When Mrs BW is here I breeze out of a morning without a care in the world. I am not responsible for checking the doors are locked, the cooker or anything else electrical turned off. Someone else will do that.

Yesterday I had to go to work. So that meant that I had to leave the house. First I checked that I had turned everything off. Cooker, TV, computer, daughters hair straighteners. The latter is ridiculous because I know that she has not turned them on, as she has been away for two days. But I have to check. Just in case.

Then I checked the back door, and the French windows. I had checked them the previous night, and I had not been out of either, but I had to check them again. Just in case.

I collected my briefcase, picked the front door keys, up opened the front door and just as I was about to step outside, could not remember if I had turned my radio off upstairs. So I went back up and checked it. While I was up there I thought that I better check the computer again. Just in case.

Down stairs again I got to the front door and remembered the cooker, or rather I could not remember turning it off, so I went back in and checked it. While I was checking it, I remembered the immersion heater, which I knew I had not turned on, but thought I better check it just in case. While I was upstairs I checked that the TV was not on standby. and that I had not left Moonshines cage open, even though I knew I had not opened it. I opened it just so I could close it again and then worried that I might not have closed it properly. I opened it and closed it a few times. It did not make any sort of clicking noise. I tried it a few times, disturbing Moonshine and waking him up in the process.

I staggered down stairs, my brain reeling, my morning collapsing. The front door was ajar. Had the cats sneaked in? I would have to check. So I searched the downstairs rooms. They were cat less, apart from the utility room which was full of cats, but that was okay because they were allowed in there.

I was going to have to go to work. I took a deep breath and stepped outside. Had I turned the washing machine off? I carried on walking. Out onto the street, I worried that I had left the tap in the kitchen sink running. I carried on walking. As I got into town a fire engine roared past up the hill. I carried on walking. It would be too late anyway.